Self Forgiveness Jan. 10 2009 - being nice, fear of violence, confrontation, awkwardness, peace

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to my idea of niceness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my idea of niceness to avoid awkwardness and confrontation

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I can only fear awkwardness and confrontation if I exist as personality, as an idea and definition of myself - and that who I really am here as the breath in unconditional self honest expression is not able to be awkward - therefore it is stupid to use personality as a means to avoid awkwardness, as awkwardness only exists through personality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear confrontation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stability according to my idea of niceness, wherein if I am nice to people then I will not experience conflict, and I will then be stable - instead of realizing that this is not real stability, it is an idea of stability which actually exists within and as the polarity of safe/unsafe - with unsafe defined as vulnerable - able to be harmed or abused, and safe defined as actions taken to preserve and maintain my personality of niceness, to avoid vulnerability and conflict and hurt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define vulnerability as being able to be hurt and abused

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the polarity of safe/unsafe

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the words of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear physical violence being done unto me

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that since all others are actually me, myself - that I am not actually able to really be hurt or harmed - and such a fear of physical violence and hurt being done unto me exists as the fear of losing myself, the fear of not existing

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that all fear of physical violence and harm being done unto me is actually the fear of me not existing - but since I am all that exists, that is impossible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am required to serve others' personalities by ensuring that their feelings don't get hurt - otherwise I will not be able to exist in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not existing in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to express me unconditionally in self honesty no matter who I am with, because I fear to lose the illusion of stability that I experience when I am nice to people and am able to avoid conflict

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that conflict can only exist if both beings participating are self dishonest - thus if I am self honest, and unconditionally here - I experience no conflict - and if someone directs words or actions towards me that is abusive or violent, it is a result of what they are accepting and allowing within them and exists as inner conflict within themselves - just as my conflicts exist within myself as what I accept and allow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of peace/conflict, by holding onto my ideas and definitions and fears of conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the polarity of peace/conflict