Self Forgiveness Jan. 3 2009 - body, health, shame, judgment, separation, spirituality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with my body from the starting point of rebelling against 'healthy living' - to apparently prove to myself that I am not allowing myself to be controlled by the media or others regarding health - when in fact within such a starting point I am separating myself from my body, trying to prove to myself that I do not need to 'care' or be concerned about my body, so that I can confirm to myself in my mind that I am not one of 'those people' who live in fear of being unhealthy - and within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stand one and equal with my body and support my body as me

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my body is me - therefore in rebelling against 'being healthy' I am actually seeing my body as separate from me, and deliberately neglecting my body to prove to myself in my mind that I am not afraid of being unhealthy - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my physical human body according to and as the polarity of healthy/unhealthy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that such a state of 'unhealth' exists - when in reality it is just my body, and the state of my body which is existing according to what I am accepting and allowing - and the same goes for the state of 'health'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the polarity belief that I am either healthy or unhealthy

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to listen to what my body is telling me

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to honor my body as one and equal with me, as me

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is not about deliberately doing whatever I want to my body to prove that I do not subscribe to the health polarity, -it is about standing one and equal with my body here as myself - and not accepting or allowing myself to create fears, rules, polarities within and as myself towards my body according to outside influences - but within this, using common sense and being self honest about what supports my body and what does not support

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to unconditionally stand one and equal with my body as myself and support my body, listen to my body, honor my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my body in small ways - doing this to prove to myself in my thoughts that I no longer subscribe to what I once did as being a lightworker, eating foods that I perceived would put me in a higher vibration

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed and embarrassed with myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in being a lightworker

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken out my shame of being a lightworker on others who see themselves as lightworkers - trying to get them to see how stupid they are being instead of just sharing, directing and supporting as I see necessary in self honesty - me expressing me - not me abusing others through my ego - realizing that they are myself, and do not deserve to be abused for the sake of me covering up my shame

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts, instead of realizing that beyond showing me what I am accepting and allowing, my thoughts are useless and in following them I always lead myself into dishonesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as memories in my mind of myself as a lightworker - and to judge these memories of me - instead of realizing that I am not a memory, and it is unnecessary to hold such memories within my mind - and since I am not a memory, in judging my memories, I am judging myself - I can only ever judge myself

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that whenever I am judging something I have done in the past - that means I am judging me here and now - because my judgment exists here towards myself actually

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my judgments within the excuse and belief that if it happened in the past, then I am not judging me or another, I am just 'looking back in time' and judging something that I believe deserves judgment - instead of realizing the stupidity in this - because when I am judging - it does not matter whether I perceive that which I judge to exist in the past, present or future - it is all here and is all me judging me always

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as judgment - in seeing that when I am participating in judgment - I am existing as judgment toward myself in separation of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the perception of time, within and as relationship towards my past - instead of realizing that all that I am is always here - therefore in looking back at my past, I am actually looking at what is here as myself - so to define my past as memories, as pictures, is to separate myself from my past, seeing my past as events that exist as pictures that have happened 'back there in time' instead of realizing that the picture is just a picture in my mind, and that the event itself exists here within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be gentle with my body - in realizing that my body is me, so in being gentle with my body I am being gentle with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the idea of myself as an outsider, a rebel

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in seeing myself as an outsider, I am accepting that there is something separate from me which is there to fight, to resist - when in reality, what resists, persists - thus in embracing all points as myself, I become all points and direct myself as those points

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine my actions based on what others do and say - so that I don't have to be self honest with me in every moment, so that I don't have to trust me and direct me in every moment here as the breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as comparison

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the polarity of resist/submit

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define standing up as resisting


I am here, I direct me in self honesty as the breath in every moment - that's it