Sun. June 27 - experiences and self forgiveness

Experiences / emotions / feelings that have come up today

sluggishness - towards working / participating / writing
tiredness - towards working / participating / writing
resistance towards working / participating / interacting / communicating
judgment - towards working / participating / communication / videos that people have made that I saw on youtube
fear - towards writing / working
anxiety - towards writing / working

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in tiredness / sluggishness in relation to / towards work and my daily participation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in / believe in my experience of sluggishness / tiredness in relation to work / my daily participation -- and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify participating in / believing in sluggishness / tiredness -- using the excuse / judgment that my work and daily participation is 'boring' --- this 'boringness' is a judgment within which I have defined my work / daily participation according to what I have experienced in the past in my life as 'what I like / enjoy doing' and 'what I dislike / don't enjoy doing'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my work / daily participation according to what I have experienced in the past as 'what I like / enjoy doing' and 'what I dislike / don't enjoy doing'. And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define / judge my work / participation as 'boring'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'something that I experience as boring' as 'something that makes me tired / makes me experience tiredness'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and accept that if I do something that I experience as 'boring' that I will get tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'attention' as something that is difficult to maintain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'attention' in separation of myself as 'something that is able to waiver / become less / be lost' instead of realizing and seeing that attention is Here as me as the breath of life in every moment -- it is not something that can be 'lost' or that can 'waiver'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use 'getting tired' as an excuse to 'not participate for a moment' -- within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as being less than the work that is required to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place / see my daily work and participation as something that is 'more than me'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define certain musical styles as 'stupid'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define certain musical styles as 'dumb'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define certain musical styles as 'boring'
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do not have to have a judgment / definition of a musical style

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others through the eyes of personality, and to within this compare myself as a personality to others personalities and within that participate in judging / defining / labeling / assigning value to others' personalities based on what makes me feel the most superior / valuable / cool / interesting / intelligent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I wake up in the morning, believe that any emotion / feeling / though experience that arises is 'what I must experience' and 'how I must experience myself' and to believe that any feeling / emotional / thought experience is absolute and without question indicating 'who and what I must accept myself as and experience myself as' --- instead of realizing that myself as the physical, in every breath is NOT a feeling / emotion / though experience and thus any feeling / emotion / thought experience that arises in the morning when I wake up -- is not who I really am - but is merely an energetic experience that is running as a pattern that I have accepted myself to exist / experience myself within and as and through

Therefore, I breathe - I do not participate in believing that feeling / emotion / though experiences are 'who I really am' and that 'I must participate in these experiences'

I rather recognize that I have the ability to take responsibility to direct / stop these experiences because I created them as they exist in and as me, and thus I trust myself within walking this process of inevitably stopping / ending all such energetic experiences.