I realized that the reason I still have judgments about the way people look, what they wear, is because when I was young, I never fit in - because I didn't like the same things, have the same interests, behave the same as most others around me - so, in the fifth grade I started to notice that people who were in different groups wore different clothes - and I started to experiment with adopting the styles of others in order to fit in, wanting to be accepted. it was confusing, because I couldn't understand why people would insult and bully each other based on the way they looked/spoke/what they did ---- and I was afraid of these people because I was smaller, and I judged them to have power over me - and yet at the same time I wanted their acceptance so that I could feel powerful as well, and so I wouldn't be hurt or bullied. so as a defense, I started to change my appearance, hoping to blend in with people who I saw as being more safe because they were in groups. I started defining myself based on my clothes, and would frequently shift between styles according to people who seemed to be sure of themselves, and accepted by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to define myself based on my appearance and clothing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself because I did not fit in
and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like an outsider
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the words of others personally when they called me weird or stupid because I didn't fit in
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the way I look because others told me I looked weird
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not worthy when others rejected me in school
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am stupid and and not worthy of accepting myself, because others rejected me in school
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to the words of others in taking them personally, instead of realizing that their words reflected who they are, and that I allowed myself to react with hurt and rejection because i didn't stand up and accept me in the moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on words of validation of others so that I can feel like I am worthy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am inferior to those who fit into groups
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am worthless unless I fit into a group, because I allowed myself to take the words of others personally when they bullied me and spoke words of rejection, and then judged myself as worth less than those in groups
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others based on the way they look, because in doing that I feel like I have power over them, because I was able to change my appearance to fit in with others which made me feel like I was worth more than those who didn't fit in - instead of realizing that in that I was allowing myself to do exactly as had been done unto me, because I took the words of others personally and and did not stand up for myself in the moment - I became that which I reacted to
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a good person, and therefore when I have a thought judging another on the way they look, or what they are wearing, I justify the thought, and hide from who I am by constructing the thought in such a way where I project my judgment into a 'third party' within my mind, and assign the judgment to this 'third party', seeing it as the kind of judgment someone else would make about the person I see -- instead of realizing that it is myself that is making the judgment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define judgments as bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as good
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my judgments so that I can remain the good person I define myself as, instead of realizing that my judgments reflect what I allow in me - they are me, therefore I am the one judging
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people as worth more that fit my accepted standards of how one should look
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people as worth less that don't fit my accepted standards of how one should look
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on my accepted standards of how I should look
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others, because in comparing myself I am able to upgrade my standards of how I should look, to ensure that the way I look is accepted by those around me - because I have created standards of how I should look based on others reactions of acceptance/rejection
therefore as long as I stay within my standards of of how I should look, I am safe - because then people will accept me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have standards of how I should look
I forgiv emyself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form standards of how I shoould look based on the words of others of either accepting or rejecting me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define safety and security according to and as staying within the safe standards of how I should look - because then I will be accepted and feel good about myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that acceptance has anything to do with another being - instead of realizing that I can only accept myself
I forgiv emyself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on clothing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to memories of not fitting in in school
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define power according to fitting in with others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define people according to my idea of worth
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my idea of worth
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to depend on comparison in order to maintain control of myself, because in comparing myself to others, I am able to determine in which ways I am able to manipulate the way I look, so that others can be manipulated into accepting me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame school for not supporting me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not accepting me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame 'the world' for not supporting me
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that everything I have ever felt, has been a result of what I accepted and allowed in me through abdicating myself to the mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define support according to the support my parents gave me when I felt bad in school
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I never stood up in school because I suppressed my feeling of powerlessness and inferiority through anger
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use anger to suppress and control the way I feel
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in school, react to accepted and allowed feelings of powerlessness and inferiority with anger
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have defined my anger as a safe place to be, because when I feel powerless, inferior, not in control, if I get angry then I feel powerful, in control, safe
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define safety according to anger
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on anger so that I can feel in control of myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to be in control
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry around my past as a burden
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to let go of the past
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my anger as bad, and in that suppress my anger
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate myself from my feelings and emotions, instead of accepting them here as me, and directing them here as myself
I am here, I direct me in every moment - no suppression, no judgment, no separation - my feelings are me, my thoughts are me - what I allow me to be - I investigate them and direct them as myself, and remain here in breath
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